Undying Flame
by AberrantScript
Summary: People say it's possible to love someone too much, but I disagree. For my love for Leni Loud is never ending, eternal, an undying flame.


**Author's Notes:**

Over a year ago, my friend, Rag was dared to depict himself doing something horrible to his favorite Loud. I took up that challenge as well, and finally finished it. This was incredibly painful to write, but it's done.

Reader, please note, this story depicts graphic rape, abuse, self-inflicted torture, and suicide.

Forgive me, Leni. :(

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2019)

* * *

UNDYING FLAME

I am staring down at a bed.

A young woman is staring up at me.

She's crawling away, backing up, bunching up the sheets.

Every inch lost between us is another inch this dagger of suffering gets wedged between my ribs.

Crushing me, splitting me apart, paralyzing my nerves.

I take a step toward her.

And she screams.

"_Please! Stay away from me!_"

There's blood clotting, and still running fresh, in her bangs…

F-from… from when I had to _hit _her…

I reach my hand out, and she visibly flinches.

"I-I don't mean to hurt you..! I-I…"

Another step closer; her back is to the headboard, her nails scraping the wood as she cries.

Looking into her teary eyes, "_I just w-want to be loved…_"

Tears stain her cheeks as she turns her head away from me, as she balls herself up…

Making herself as small as possible; still pressing into the headboard; trying to scrape her way through the wood…

Trying to escape from me like a little mouse trying to chew its away out of a steel cage.

My legs bump into the bed.

"_P-please, Leni…_"

She screams and throws her hand out; trying to hit me, but only swiping at the air since we are so far apart.

"_Don't say my name! Please! J-just let m-me goooo!_"

My knees press into the bedding.

My hands rest upon sheets.

"_I-I can't let you go. I need you._"

The dip in the mattress draws closer to her.

"_I-I… I have no one else._"

My hands are touching a pool of tears.

Her eyes are squeezed shut as she whimpers.

"_This isn't real. It's only a nightmare. Lori will wake me up-_"

I touch her shoulder with my trembling hands.

She grows still. Her whispers fall dead. Her body cringes harder than ever before.

"_I only want your love…_"

I stroke a hand down her bloody locks.

I frown.

"_I-is that s-so wrong to want you to love me in return?_"

I stroke her hair again, and she stiffens.

Her hand strikes my arm, knocking it away from her.

"_P-please... don't touch me._"

She turns farther away from me.

I lean back and stare at her back in longing. I see the clotting blood on her left ear.

My heart breaks.

What kind of monstrous freak does that to the woman he loves?

I get up off the bed.

As I walk toward the doorway, her sniffles start again.

I can hear her pained coughing, her wails, her pleas for her family to find her and save her...

As I walk into the bathroom and grab a cup and a towel. I pour water into the cup, and give it a swirl.

Looking into the wavy tides, I watch as they settle. And, upon stillness, I see a reflection of what my heart desires most.

I and my precious angel, together, forever and ever.

Happy and loved.

Lying in our marriage bed together.

Holding our child together.

Arguing over the curtains for the living room together.

Growing old and playing checkers together.

Staring at her gravestone.

Happy that I had lived longer, to save her from the pain of living in a world without the love of her life...

That's what I want. It's what I crave above all else. I don't _just want_ this girl to love me. I need it.

I... I-I'll die without it...

I return to the room.

The lock turns with an audible click.

Her body was shaking when I entered. Now... now, she has grown deathly still, quiet as a corpse.

As I draw closer, I see the faint tremors in her shoulders, hear the tiny whimpers as tears fall upon her arms.

I sit down on the edge of the mattress; near her.

I have accepted that, for now at least, she just doesn't want to talk to me.

So, without a word, I dip the towel into the cup. And I place it on her ear.

Her shocked gasp makes my heart speed up, but I push it back into its place. Now isn't the time for that. That's later. Much later.

I rub her ear until the caked blood is gone.

I dip the towel again. I brush her forehead until her skin is pure as snow once again.

Dip. I stroke her bangs until I can see the very sun's reflection in them.

Dip. I press the cloth to her scalp, and rub as softly as I can while still working on her cuts.

She hisses in pain. She is still clenched, still cringing, still turned away from me.

I see tears are still falling down her cheeks.

I drop the towel onto the nightstand. I lay the cup beside it. I put a hand on her shoulder; give her a little squeeze.

"_Hey,_" my gentle voice speaks to her.

I tug on her arm, to get her to turn toward me.

Finally, she relents. Turning toward me, with her eyes staring at the bed...

I reach my thumb out. I take away her tears, and gaze upon her flushed, puffy eyes and cheeks.

She sniffles. Another tear gathers in her eyes.

"_Please... let me go... I-I want my sister... I want my family..._"

That tear falls down her cheek at the same speed that the dagger slips all the way through my back, until the pommel is flush with my ribs.

Blood pours down my spine as a tear falls down my own cheek.

"_Y-you don't mean that, Leni... I-I know you don't mean it like that._"

More tears begin to fall, and my vision of this perfect angel becomes blurred by my own pain.

My hand moves from her cheek, where it had touched her with such gentleness, to her shoulder. My fingers latch onto her, bunching up her dress.

I felt more so than heard the rattling gasp of shock in her lungs; there's a ringing in my ears as the knife twists, spreading apart my chest.

She shrinks away from me, but my grip on her shoulders only tightens.

That time I do hear her gasp, and it make me loosen up… but only a little.

"_Please… p-please…_" she begs me, over and over again.

But, I can't hear her cries, can't even see her face.

I only feel her body beneath my hands.

I only feel the warmth of her quivering skin as my hand digs deeper into the flesh and bone.

My hand reaches for her stomach, and I feel her try to jerk away from me…

Gritting my teeth, running on pure impulse, my hands move to her ribs; my fingers squeeze until, through the dark haze shrouding my mind, I hear a gasp.

Of pain? Of pleasure?

A gasp… for more.

I pull her away from the headboard, throwing her into the sheets piled in the middle of the bed.

I feel the mattress squirm as this mouse tries to scurry away from me.

Feeling a snarl grow deep in my chest, I jump at it.

A foot smashes my jaw, and my neck twists; cracking, shooting pain down my back.

It won't stop me.

A foot beats against my chest, but I seize it between my hands. I squeeze hard enough that I hear a scream.

The leg muscles ripple beneath my fingers as another foot smashes into my shoulder.

Pain sears my head; tears stream down my cheeks as my heart tears itself into little pieces.

"_STOP! PLEASE, STOP!_"

No.

I grab her other leg, wrapping my arms around them both. Holding her as tight as I can; refusing to let her go.

Not now. Not ever again.

Bony fists smash into my skull, and I nearly bite my tongue in agony.

That dagger twists once more before slicing down my front… pouring ice straight into my very bowels.

Using my weight to hold her legs down, my nails dig into her clothes… I climb across her stomach.

I don't hear them… but I feel the fabric pull and tear and shred apart as my nails drag cuts into her stomach, into her chest…

After an eternity, I finally feel warm breaths against my cheek.

I breathe in her essence; her pure scent, the sweat from struggling so hard.

My mind feels itself with her body's perfume, like a pain-numbing drug.

I bury my nose in silken hair, and she tries to crane her head away from mine.

I press my face in her neck, and I just breathe. Like she is my oxygen; my very reason for staying alive.

I can finally hear her crying; deep in my body, the urge to take her tears away overcomes me.

I press kisses against her skin, wet with her sweat, quivering with her fear.

I don't stop, even as she begs me to cease pressing my lips on her.

I can't stop, even as her crying only grows louder, even as her body fights me harder with every kiss I plant beneath her jaw.

I brush my eyelids against her hair, trying to wipe my tears away.

I lean up, and look down on her.

My hands have grabbed her wrists, holding them out to the sides.

My body lays on her; her face is screwed up in discomfort.

The blood I had cleaned off from her hair is running anew; a small trickle of pain, constantly pouring out from her mind.

I lean down and kiss her forehead, feeling her blood on my lips.

My shaky, delirious breath caress her skin as I wipe away her scarlet ink with my bloodied lips.

I reach her hair; I have already committed the location to my memory.

I find the source of her agony, and I plant my lips there; giving her all my love; trying my best to make the flow stop.

I pull back only a little.

Drops of red fall from my chin, splattering her forehead.

My jaw screams as I force it to open up.

My vocal chords beg me not to do anything rash.

As if I would listen to them when my love needs me to cherish her.

Licking my lips, tasting her purity like a drink of eternal divinity, I find the words I want to say.

I brush her matted bangs from her face using my nose, and I kiss her eyebrows. One and then the other.

I punctuate each kiss with a proclamation so strong, I feel it leave my body like an arrow being yanked through my very heart.

"_I love you, Leni Loud._"

I kiss her temple. I kiss her cheek.

I tickle her nose with my lips.

I look into her terrified eyelids, clenched shut; afraid to even look at me.

My heart shatters as my tears fall upon her closed lips.

I rub my cheek against hers.

"_Please…_"

I am the one begging this time.

"_I only want to give you my love…_"

I move her wrists above her head. One hand clamps down on them harsh enough she whimpers.

"_Shh, my love…_"

One hand is free now. I cradle her cheek in my palm.

Her entire body trembles under me.

I brush the swell of her cheek with my thumb.

Her warmth, the wetness of tears, the sensation of her life crackling across the surface of her skin…

This is what I have dreamed of for far too long.

I press my nose into her cheek; my lips caress her skin.

Her little cries and whimpers drive me on… urge me to take away her fears, her pain…

My lips drift closer… closer…

I touch the corner of her lips, and my heart nearly stops.

So close…

I hold my very dream in my hands…

I look down at her lips… pink, full, panting for more oxygen to use against me…

I look up, into her eyes… and my heart skips.

She's looking at me like I'm the only man she's ever known; like nothing else matters more in that moment.

Her lips part wider; she sucks in a drag of air.

"_Please, sir…_"

I close my eyes as her broken tone washes over me like a dark melody, like a fine wine bathing me in satisfaction.

"_Please…_"

My eyes open…

We connect; I cannot look away.

"_If you l-love me… l-let me go…_"

To her surprise, my lips twitch, quirk into a tiny smile.

I brush her nose with my own, ghosting my lips over her cheek once more.

Her breath hitches as I wiggle my body atop hers, smearing her heat across every inch of me.

"_You don't understand, my love…_"

Her eyebrows look confused; her eyes are shrinking away from me.

"_I can't let you go._"

My breaths rests upon her shaking lips.

She tries to turn her face from mine; to hide her lips from my mouth… but my hand holds her still.

"_Please don't do this to me…_"

Her eyes glance up at mine.

For a moment, I see them like twinkling starlight; the tears falling from them like the wispy trails of comets shooting across the twilight sky.

My lips drift ever closer.

Her warm scent fills my body like a drug.

Her breaths puffing against my itching lips makes my whole being weak.

"_I can't let you go, Leni,_" I repeat as my own breaths mingle with hers.

"_Can't you see? You're all I have left._"

I stroke her cheek as my nose rests beside hers, as my head tilts to the side.

Our eyes never break contact.

"_You're everything to me… no one…_"

My breath hitches and my eyes clench shut.

"_N-no one else… there is no one else... no one who loves me…_"

My eyes open; my tears fall upon her face, glistening on her cheeks like a morning dew spread before the dawning sun.

"_I-if you don't love me… then…_"

My head turns to the side, only a little, only enough… to keep her eyes from seeing into my pupils, seeing into my soul.

I draw a raspy breath.

I exhale, feeling my very bones rattle from the force of my emotions.

"…_then, I am nothing._"

My eyes turn back to hers.

I see a spark inside hers… something I hope is understand… something I desperately wish is love…

Her body trembles underneath mine.

My body screams as my mind begins to fall apart; as a war rages inside.

My heart both yearns to take her love…

And to give her everything.

Though my mind calls me a fool because…

Because this girl doesn't want me.

And my heart calls me a fool because…

Because this girl _could_ love me.

…if only I was worth even a small measure of affection.

Her eyes don't look away from mine as I break down into sobbing tears above her.

My arms fall slack as my mind refuses to help me even to hold myself up.

She gasps for breath as I rest upon her.

I'm too weak to struggle anymore.

Her hands are free to do as they will.

Her legs can wiggle underneath mine.

Her lungs strain under my weight, but her breath doesn't leave my cheek, my neck.

I feel her nose touch my heated skin.

I flinch as her hands touch my shoulders.

She can claw at me, bite me, punch me…

She can do anything she wants to me…

And I will never cry from the physical pain.

But as I feel her body draw in a breath of air, my own body freezes and shivers as tendrils of anxiety creep across my core and my limbs…

I dread hearing her voice…

Please…

I would do anything…

Anything…

To not hear her rejection.

Her lips are so close to my neck, I feel them touch me as she opens her mouth.

I tremble as she begins speaking; cursing my body for its desperate need to run away, for its hungry desire to hold her close.

"_D-do you r-really feel that way?_"

Nothing in my being moves, except for my lungs and my lips.

Exhaling the remaining breath left in my body; waiting for her to turn me away so I may die…

"_Yes._"

I lay there, atop her chest; torn between hiding my face in her neck, and jumping off of her and leaping from the window.

Soon, she draws another shaky breath.

"_You… really don't h-have anyone that… loves you?_"

My body grows warm. My mind begins scratching at the walls caging it inside my skull.

I'm not breathing.

I can't.

Until I hear her next words.

Feeling myself grow weak… light… hazy… I nod against her shoulder.

"_I-if I… I…_"

Even the vision inside my mind begins to grow dark… fuzzy… lost… as my heart slows down, as my blood coagulates inside my limbs…

Her lips move against my skin.

"_If you kiss me… will you let me go?_"

My mind explodes with color as my lungs draw in a shallow breath of air.

Do I dare let myself hope?

My arms are too numb to lift myself up.

I'm too afraid to look into her eyes anyway.

I turn my head.

My lips touch her ear.

"_Please… love me… no one else will…_"

My body shivers as I await her rejection.

But, it doesn't come.

Her lips still touch my skin; burning my flesh.

"_Then… then, kiss me, and… a-and let me go… o-ok?_"

Kiss me.

Kiss me.

Kiss me.

My hands press into the mattress and my arms lift myself up.

My brain is numb to the agony shooting up my nerves.

I look down at her.

She blinks as my tears fall once again on her face.

Little drops of my undying affection marring her perfect innocence.

One of my legs moves to her side. One of my arms rests beside her.

I am only half covering her.

My other leg rests across her thighs, my foot laying on the sheets.

My other hand cups her jaw, my fingers threading through the hair behind her ear.

I turn her face toward mine.

I look deeper into her eyes.

Her breath puffing against my lips is maddening.

I breathe in her scent once more; invigorated; passionate; insane…

My thumb wipes away the strands of hair which had stuck to her cheek; wetted by our shared tears mixing upon her face; God's holy canvas.

"_I love you, Leni._"

I see a flicker of warmth in her eyes.

I close my eyelids and lean in toward her.

"_Please,_" she starts as my lips come within an inch of hers. "_Please stop with… with one._"

My mind is too far gone to reply.

My lips touch hers, ghosting across her mouth like a snowflake falling into a hand.

Her warm exhales brush against my lips as I press against her mouth.

Her velvet satin feels firm, full, on fire.

My heart jerks inside, desperate to get closer to her.

The warmth coming from her mouth drives me to grab more of her love.

I press closer to her.

Her hands grab my shoulders.

She tries to speak through our kiss, but I only use the opportunity to move deeper into her embrace.

The heat coming off of her is enough to ignite an undying flame inside my hollow chest.

Her lips are like the sweetest honey, thick and full upon my mouth; dripping with her love upon my skin.

She squirms beneath me as my lips part just a little.

My tongue flicks her lips, tasting her for the first time.

And if I die in this moment, I would have no regrets.

To be with the one you love; to have your lips upon hers; to taste her body like precious meal befit only for royalty…

The feeling bubbling up from my chest is indescribable.

Her nails scrape my shoulder blades.

Her legs twitch and jerk against me.

My tongue tastes her lips a second time, and my mind turns toward the stars above; to thank heaven for letting this angel live on earth.

My tongue presses against her lips a third time, and I press deeper inside.

Her teeth are clenched shut, shaking from the force of her jaw.

But it's ok.

Even the taste of her teeth, her gums, everything… it's like bliss, like falling into a pool of endless warmth.

I pull away… and there's a smile on my face.

She's looking at me; shaking; panting; still trying to squirm.

"_Thank you._"

I press my lips to her chin.

"_Thank you._"

They press against her jaw.

"_Thank you._"

They drift below her jaw.

"_Thank you._"

They feel her pulsing heartbeat in her neck; pressing against it with such tender care the girl gasps.

Pulling away only an inch, I let my tongue taste her throat; her skin is like malleable fire beneath my questing muscle.

I breathe against her newly-wetted skin; speaking my eternal devotion to this goddess of beauty.

"_I love you._"

Her fingers find my hair, and they grasp tightly as my lips keep pressing onto her neck, sparing no inch of my dedication.

Her breath hitches as my lips trail to the hollow place between her throat and her collarbone.

My hands graze her flanks, my fingers crossing over her ribs as I find a place to hold onto.

Her fingers clench my hair tighter.

Her breathing is ragged; the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.

"_O-ok, y-you've… had your k-kiss… now let me go._"

But, I don't reply to her.

My heart has already seen her love respond to my broken tears.

If…

If I show her how much…

How devoted I am to her…

How much I adore everything about her…

Then, maybe…

Maybe her love will respond to my own love…

Maybe we will mix together, like two liquids poured into a sacred basin; becoming something new, becoming something beautiful… something treasured…

My lips grace her collarbone with tender touches.

The pain in my scalp, as her fingers tug and try to pull me away, to keep me from drifting lower, only makes me feel more alive than ever before.

My lips touch the neckline of her dress.

I lift up and look down upon its mint green textures; the pattern of the stitching, the labor that went into it.

Her hands wring my hair out, but all I feel is love for this girl below me.

Her fingers struggle to push my head away; such strength, such determination.

I've known that she was the one responsible for this dress protecting her sacred beauty from a sinner's eyes.

A talent, a gift to be adored.

I press a kiss on her dress. I press a kiss a little lower.

I trail downward, exploring in a single path the very center of my love's lifeblood.

My mouth rests between her breasts, and I can feel her heart racing just underneath.

My mind rushes with heat, with desire.

"_P-please, sir… s-stop…_"

I don't stop. I can't stop.

My tongue dips down, raking across her dampened fabric; slick from our combined heat and perspiration.

I know what I want to do now, but her hands won't let me perform my worship.

I pull away… leaning up onto my knees.

I slip off the bed, and I take one glance at her…

At her flushed cheeks, her face covered in a light sheen of sweat.

At her heaving chest, and the way her dress sticks to her body like a second skin.

At her legs, held tightly together; her feet curling up in the sheets.

She is looking up at me; she leans up on one elbow as I walk to the dresser.

She doesn't dare speak.

She wiggles her way to the edge.

As soon as she puts a single foot down on the carpet, I turn around.

And her face drains of its color as she sees the bindings in my hands.

Her eyes dart for the door…

"_Don't. You know you can't outrun me._"

I take a step closer, and she… she falls back against the bed and wriggles away from me.

"_P-please… n-nooo…_"

She grabs the sheets and throws them over her body, over her head…

The mattress is shaking as my knee touches it.

I place a hand on her side, and she flinches; curled up like a pill bug.

Sighing… I tug the sheet down her body… I expose her hands.

She jerks them away from me, unintentionally placing them above her head… closer to the headboard.

I grab one, and I hurriedly tie it to the spindles in the board; not even grimacing as she pounds at me with her free hand.

I turn, and she slaps my chest hard enough a jolt of stinging agony shoots down my back, down my leg.

She reels her hand back to strike me again, but I catch it.

My hands tie her wrist back to the headboard.

She jerks against them; fighting the bonds with everything she has.

Her face is crying; the tears running down her neck.

I settle myself on her legs, holding her down.

Soon… she stops fighting.

My hands stroke her sides, trying to calm her down.

She closes her eyes and looks away.

"_Please… d-don't… don't rape me…_"

My heart plummets into a dark pit as that word pounds my skull in harder than any of her attacks.

I creep lower… so I'm no longer trapping her dress' hem beneath me.

My hands grab it and slowly lift it up.

"_I won't rape you,_" I promise the love of my life as I reveal her panties to unhallowed eyes.

My hands rest just above her hips, my fingers fanning out across her skin.

Still, I keep dragging the fabric upward…

The dress bunches up at her breasts, and finally she speaks again…

In a tired, shaky, defeated voice, "_Don't look at me…_"

I pause long enough to stroke her cheek, to brush my thumb across her stream of tears.

"_Don't be afraid of me, Leni. I only want to love you… I will only cherish you..._"

I see her wide eyes, full of fear, staring deeply into mine. Searching, knowing, shrinking away…

"_D-don't…_"

But her words, hushed and silent, falling across our bodies like a broken breeze, don't reach my ears.

The pounding of my own blood drowns out her silent pleas.

The beat of my heart, like a drum leading me to war, compels me to tug her dress up and over her bosom; and my eyes move to take in her utter beauty in a moment struck in my mind forever an eternity.

Her round breasts, cupped and held by her bra, so pale just like the rest of her body. Pure and untarnished. With barely visible freckles dotting the mountainous landscape, daring me to travel paths left untouched since her birth.

My breath catches. My heart stills.

My precious angel gasps for oxygen between two tearful sobs, and I'm drawn back to reality; a mind-shattering experience best likened to a demon being tossed from an eternal land into the finite realm of corruption and despair.

My smiling lips, so happy at seeing the promised land, falls as I see her renewed tears.

With a weary sigh, I push her dress up and over her head, bunching it up around her elbows.

It can't go any farther with her hands bound, but it'll do for now.

I lean back and look down on her.

My hands caress her locks of sunlight, raking them across her breasts as if covering her modesty with a cloak of shimmering gold.

My hands stroke up and down her arms, gliding down and under her arms, across her ribs, to her stomach.

I look into her eyes as my fingers move slowly upward, closer, almost there...

She cringes and turns her eyes away, clenching them shut.

Her crying doesn't stop, even when my thumbs brush the bottom of her bra.

Her shoulders jerk when my fingers pluck at her strap.

She opens her eyes and stares at me, begging me to stop... but I don't.

I hush her with soothing words, as my hands slip behind her back, under her body, and I unlock the gate to her heart.

My fingers return to her rib cage, splaying across her body.

Her heart races swiftly, her watery lips are barely open, her tearful pleas beg me to stop, to please leave her alone, to return her to her family.

The poor girl, my love, my everything...

As my hands push her bra up and over her breasts, running it down her loving hills to rest at her collarbone.

Now that I've seen heaven, there's no way I could ever turn back.

Not now - as my hands cup her like handling a fine china.

Not ever - my lips descending slowly onto one peak, preparing to make the first mark; the first of many; on what is...

Surely...

Irrevocably...

Mine.

My breaths ghosts across her nipple, pink and shivering before me; as if cowering in fear... or yearning for my eager touch?

My mind is left to interpret her body's reactions to my touch.

And how could I see her blushing skin as a sign of rejection?

How could a girl like Leni, whom loves everything, turn my lips away from her perfect skin?

When my lips finally touch her pink nipple, my mind dulls as if a fog has clouded everything. As if a raging storm has entered my skull and struck my brain with lightning.

My body trembles as I mold my lips around her rosy peak.

She's soft, perhaps from being shy, perhaps because I am a poor lover.

But I work on her, I cherish her, until one nipple is hard, swollen, undeniably aroused.

My lips part, and my tongue flicks her peak.

Her taste is intoxicating.

My numb mind jump starts, pumped full of her fragrance like a drug.

I trail a string of kisses down one of her pearly hills, and up the other.

I find another soft nipple waiting for me, and like the dutiful priest bestowing worship to his goddess, I immediately offer my meager skills to my lady.

My hands curl around her bosom, squeezing them; testing her weight, lifting her breasts up in my palms.

Leni hasn't asked me to stop in awhile. Not since I claimed her breasts as my own.

Once I've given my offering at her rosen altar, my eyes look up.

And my heart stops once more; at the pink blush dusting her cheeks.

"Don't look at me," she begs, but I don't listen.

I smile at seeing the evidence of her arousal. Her body's surrendering to me. Whether her mind wants it to or not.

But I hold faith in my lady's love.

She may not see it now, but she will soon.

I will love her, adore her, so strongly. So powerfully...

She will come to love me.

She will.

She must.

My life depends on it.

And she...

My goddess would never fail me.

My lips return to the valley betwixt her breasts, and I journey south.

Across the vast expanse of her stomach.

So much of her lays bare before me, I barely know what first I wish to taste.

So, I take my time.

My lips pressing on every rib, every inch of flat belly and curving side.

My fingers roam across her chest, eventually finding her lonely peaks, and giving her a hard enough tweak she yelps.

My lips smile as I taste her skin, sweaty and salty, but gosh... it's an exquisite flavor.

My lips press down on her belly button, and she gasps.

My tongue dips inside, and her body twitches and jerks.

My Leni is sensitive there, I note, and I love it.

But I don't tarry for long.

I know what it is my heart yearns most for.

I know what my limbs ache to touch.

I leave a breathy kiss at her navel, and then I journey some more.

In an unhurried path, straight down to a small mound.

Her flat belly curves toward me, following the angle of her pelvic bones.

Kiss, kiss, kiss.

Her skin's so warm beneath my lips.

Her breasts so soft under my hands.

Her breathy pleas for me to stop, almost masked by an even smaller series of gasps.

Almost fallen upon deaf ears; but my body responds to it.

In this state I cannot tell a gasp apart from a cry of pain, and that's ok.

There's a fine line between pleasure and agony, and if that is where we must go...

Then, I'll lead her with her hands in mine.

My lips press down on her pelvic mound, and her body freezes.

"Stop," I only just barely hear her say.

But I can't.

Not when I'm so close.

Not when I can feel her gentle heat on my chin.

When her body is on edge, responding to my touch like a static shock.

My lips press into her panties, into the elastic waistband, and I pause just long enough to appreciate the pink flowers stitched into the pure white fabric.

Little lovely roses dotting across where her sacred altar should be.

"Please," she speaks to me, soft and low and shaking, "Let me g-go..."

Her voice is a drug, turning my blood into steam in my veins.

God, I feel so hot. So close to her. Embracing her hips with my face near her sex.

This is where I'm meant to be.

I know it.

I finally kneel back. I lift up one of her legs.

She struggles against me, but gasps when I squeeze her by the ankle.

Her lips tremble as I kiss her sole.

Her toes. Her bridge.

Her leg shakes in my hands.

Her skin quivers as my lips trace the curves upward.

To her knee.

Kiss, kiss, kiss.

I take my time following the path up her thigh.

I dip inside, pressing my nose against her skin.

She nearly jumps when my hot tongue brushes across her sensitive skin there... only inches away from my heart's desire.

My fingers find her waistband before she realizes what I'm doing.

I start to tug it down and she begins thrashing anew.

Her legs kick at me, and I hold them down.

Her hands punch at me; her nails scratch at my face.

I bear the pain and suffering for her.

For she is worth it.

I lean up out of her reach and I rip her panties in two.

She's screaming for help again.

I give myself over to her near-breathless cries.

Like a soothing drug to my ears, her beautiful screams urge me on.

I yearn to turn those fearful wails into moans of joy.

I will show her.

She will see.

My love for her.

Until my dying breath.

I hold her legs down.

"P-please, nooo."

I lower my face to her sacred altar and smell her fragrant incense.

A sweet smelling perfume.

A balm for the grievous pain ailing me.

"Don't do this to me."

She pleads to me as I open my lips, preparing my very first prepare at my goddess' monument.

"I love you."

My voice shaking, my breath gone.

And with my unwavering devotion, I place a kiss to her center, sealing her name across my very soul.

Giving her my everything in that single kiss.

Her sweetness tastes so good on my lips.

Her scent is so addicting my mind numbs once more.

I can't remember my past.

My own name.

Anything.

But this woman, this girl…

She's my everything in this moment.

My reason for living.

My lifeblood.

I open my mouth and I taste her sweetness, and my body shakes in climax.

She's better than oxygen for my lungs.

She's better than water for my body.

She's all I need.

Everything single thing…

In one beautiful package.

I savor her exquisite taste and aroma, and I pay her due worship.

Her screams dwindle into crying whispers, tiny pleas for mercy.

But soon she moans.

She tries to hide it, but I hear it.

Because she's my everything.

She cannot hide from me.

Her body shakes as I lick her once more, as I bring her pleasure she fought so hard to deny.

But I'm showing her.

My heart soars because she can feel me!

She knows I love her!

My mouth proves it!

My hands stroke her thighs to comfort her.

To encourage her to accept my humble offerings.

All that I have.

"Oh, my beautiful goddess."

I whisper against her center.

She responds to my touch.

Her little cries and little tremors excite me to no end.

This…

This is what life is.

As I hold her and give her pleasure.

As she falls apart on the bed with tiny screams.

This is what I was born to be.

A servant to my divine princess.

My queen.

"Please, don't make me-"

She trails off with broken cries.

I interpret her words in the only way they possibly could mean.

And I hurry myself to fulfill her request.

I worship her without end.

Without taking a break to even breathe.

Her body is now the air flowing in my body.

I have no need for anything else but her.

And as my lips are planted in her garden, and my tongue tends to her very roots, she finally breaks in my arms.

I moan as her love gushes onto me.

Into my mouth.

Onto my hands.

She's everywhere.

Flooding me.

I dutifully devour her essence.

All that she gives me.

As a reward for my faithfulness to her.

I lean up and look down at my beloved angel.

She trembles as she holds her face and cries in the sheets.

I look down at myself, seeing her juices have soaked my clothing.

I grin.

This is who I am.

This is my identity.

My purpose fulfilled in action.

I divest myself of my shirt.

My pants fall to the ground.

"What are you doing?"

I'm completely naked.

Just like my sweetest lover.

She barely moves as I lay myself atop her body.

I stroke her sides, but she barely breathes.

I kiss her neck, but she doesn't gasp.

My mind breaks with worry.

Have I broken her?

Does she not love me?

NO!

No.

It's…

She would never throw me away.

My guardian angel would never become one of them…

A betrayer.

A liar.

A murderer.

She has my very soul in her hands now.

She…

She wouldn't crush it…

Would she?

No.

I cannot believe otherwise.

I must believe her.

I must have faith in my goddess.

My hand grabs my symbol of devotion for my beloved…

I place it at her gate…

I kiss her neck, I whisper to her.

"_I am yours…_"

I tease her entrance.

"_...and you are mine._"

And I thrust forward.

Her entire body jerks, then shakes, then quiets to a faint tremble…

She's deathly still now.

I'm relishing in her embrace.

Such blissful torture for which I've longed.

I kiss her neck.

I don't feel her breathing. I don't hear her noises. I don't sense the life in her body.

I lean up on my elbows.

I look down into her eyes.

The fire in them is gone.

She's staring at me through rivers of pain.

She blinks the tides away, causing them to cascade down her cheeks.

"_Beloved?_" I ask her, "_Are you ok?_"

Her lips tremble. Her face darkens.

I stroke her cheek, feeling her skin bristle underneath my palm.

Her eyebrows turn fierce.

My arousal leaves my body…

My heart turns ice cold…

"_G-Goddess?_"

Her hands go to my chest.

Her nails dig into the skin above my heart.

"_I…_" she starts, her eyes never leaving mine.

My legs grow weak.

The ice seeps deep into my bones.  
"_I hate you_."

The tears are bursting forth from her eyes. Her body fails her and she falls slack to the bed.

I see her barely moving, barely breathing.

My body leans up on my knees.

I stare between her legs.

At her blood.

At the cuts on her body.

I look down at my chest.

At the nail prints that ripped my heart from my cavity.

"_Y-you… you don't mean that…_"

I get up off the bed.

My feet struggle to take root.

Her head turns to me.

Her face is pale, clammy.

Those precious lips of hers open to say something to me, but don't move.

My head jerks to the side. My arms curls around my stomach. I turn my body and hit the wall.

I'm shaken. I clutch my bruised shoulder. I lean on the obstacle.

I see the door.

I race to it and tired legs.

I stumble through the wayward portal, turning toward the room down the way.

I bump into the door.

I can't see.

I feel wetness dripping down my chest.

My arm snaps, swinging out to my side. Crashing into the wall. Breaking my wrist.

I scream, and grab the sink.

My body hurls itself forward, slamming against it as my screams go on and on.

I look into the mirror above the sink. I don't even recognize the thing staring back at me.

My fingers press to the reflection. I squeeze it. I wrap my hands around it.

I smile as I crush it with my fist.

But it won't die.

The mirror shatters and I break into laughter.

Bloodied shards fall into the sink and I grab one with my hand.

I brandish my blade, and even though my wrist burns with intense heat, I grip it hard enough the edges cut through my skin.

I look down.

My hand reaches between my legs.

This caused it.

It had to have been the culprit.

This is why Leni hates me.

This is why everyone has left me.

This is why I will never have anyone.

I hold my length out straight…

I lower my other hand, catching a glimpse of my broken smile in the faltering reflection.

I'm screaming with laughter as I look on in joy.

I feel the blade dig into my skin. I feel myself begin to sever.

Droplets of blood fall on my feet.

I wiggle my toes in pleasure.

I stare at my hand as I raise up my great sin to the heavens.

I crush it in the palm of my hand.

Finally.

Finally, I can be forgiven.

I will be free.

I will be loved.

With this accursed sin sawn from my body.

I go into another room.

A trail of blood and anguish follows my weary body.

I find a lighter in a drawer.

I flip the igniter and a small flame appears.

I lay the fire on my palm, watching as my skin and the offending abomination blacken.

My teeth are smiling so strongly they're bleeding with happiness.

Red drops of joy fall from my chin as I watch my sins fade away into ash and nothingness.

I turn around and take a step.

My leg gives out from under me and I fall to the ground.

I crumple up and curl my body in a fetal position.

I fist the carpet and cry.

What am I doing?

Where am I?

I roll onto my back and stare up at the ceiling.

My bloodied, twisted hand hovers over me, mutilated, dripping blood.

My head tilts as I look at it…

Wondering… what is it?

I get onto my knees.

I stand.

My body moves as if I'm floating.

I enter a room. I see a girl on a bed. I approach and look down at her.

My body grows weak. I sit down. My hands brace on my knees.

So very weak…

I look at her haunted eyes, but I don't recognize them.

She's not moving.

I stroke her cheek, feeling the coolness of her skin.

This girl turns her eyes on me.

Her breathy, raspy voice begs to know.

"_Why?_"

Why, indeed?

"_D-don't touch me,_" she begs, and my hand freezes.

I'm shocked, a zap running up my arm.

I know this girl on my bed.

My body shudders as I survey her body.

H-h-her naked body…

My hand jerks back as I suddenly realize who it is I'm touching.

"L-Leni?"

I'm nearly speechless. My body is frozen. I can't even breathe.

She's here. She's really here!

"_Go away…_"

My heart drops down to my stomach, and familiarity itches away at my skull.

I step off the bed, moving away from her.

"W-what, bu- Leni! I-I…"

I take a gulp, feeling my cheeks blush.

"I love you!"

She looks me in the eyes.

"_Quit hurting me. Leave me alone!_"

She sounds so broken, so frail.

And I finally notice the blood on the sheets, the pallor look in her face.

Did…

I can't believe it.

Did I do that?

_I can't believe it!_

I just can't! There's no way!

I would _never_ hurt my beloved. I wouldn't!

I'd love her! Cherish her! Until the day I died!

But it's the only thing that makes sense.

The pain in my body… I deserve it.

The misery lurking in the dark places of my mind…

Places where the sunlight is afraid to go…

I deserve it all.

My back presses against a window…

I have to run away. I have to protect her. I-

I turn around and throw the window open.

I look down to the street far below…

I have to make sure she never gets hurt again.

I hear her sniffles as I slip a foot out.

I hear the bed creak as I rest my bottom on the frame.

"_N-no, wait-_"

I hear her try to stop me as the wind rushes around my falling body.

My heart flies faster than my descent at the simple thought that here… at the very end…

She loves me.

She will always love me.

And what I do, I do entirely for her.

And I will protect her and cherish her with my everything until the day I die.

My life is solely dedicated to the Goddess of Sunshine.

As I see the ground approach faster than my heart can beat…

My love for her is never ending, eternal.

An undying fl-


End file.
